You are so Fat

This is a lame post. I thought it would make people laugh because people tend to laugh at stupid things. Stupid people.

Some things that piss off fat people:

• Go shopping with them, ask their waist on every shop.
• You are so fat that i three people can fit in your pants easily.
• you are so fat that it takes a panorama shot to take your portrait picture.
• You are so fat that if you burn your fat in an oil manufacturing plant, it will be equal to 50 Gallons of Oil.
• You are so fat that when you right LMFAO, it means Laughing My Fat Ass Off… 😀
• You are so fat that you have two accounts of facebook, to display your profile picture.
• #waystopissoffafatperson You are so fat, that when you fart the whole city has to wear gas masks.
• you are so fat that you car has quad suspensions .
• you are so fat that if you dive in the pool, the whole water splashes out.
• You are so Fat that it takes you three doses of Aspirin to kill you headache.
• You are so fat that you cant have excess baggage on your airline ticket.
• you are so fat that if you stop eating the famine in African nations will vanish.
• you are so fat that you have your own gravitational constant.
• You are so fat that if you fall in the pacific ocean , it will trigger a Tsunami.
• You are so fat that you have to be alone in the elevator.
• You are so fat that you require two belts for your pants
• You are so fat that if you fall of from a chair, its a low level earthquake
• You are so fat that if you sit on a seesaw it takes 5 people to just balance your weight.

The Brain Microprocessor

“Classes will dull your mind; destroy the potential for authentic creativity” –

Nash [A Beautiful Mind]

It is not possible for a man to stick tight for more than 20 minutes and concentrate on something. Initially you try to get the grasp of it but the time you lag behind your brain packs its bag and goes to sleep. Same goes for lectures at university. The other day while the lecture was under commencement, I was hovering somewhere else in world, a strange idea instantiated in my mind. Why can’t a human brain replace a microprocessor? With this question I started comparing the actual computer architecture with our brain. I made the following comparisons in my mind:

Brain	Microprocessor Computer
Memory
· Develops over time · Volatile/Non Volatile · Decays · Nurtures with experience · Dependent on number of neurons	· Static · Non Volatile · Non Intelligent · Available Always
Processing
· Slow in mathematical calculations · Fast in image/sound processing · Builds up on requirement · Improves by use	· Very Fast processing of Mathematical/logical problems · Dumb · Can’t relate previous events · Parallel
Interfaces
· Biological based, very fast · Operate on nervous system	· I/O devices with speeds of the order of 10s of megahertz
Backbone connection
· Nervous system	· FSBs, UARTs, USBs, IDEs

I came up with a formula that the brain only lacks storage space but can perform extremely well in terms of processing as the number of processing units in our grey matter is of the order of billions. Also it has been established [Einstein had more connected brain than ours] that the more connected your brain is from the inside the smarter it functions. However this was just my speculation during the class along with other scribbling and doodling information on a piece of paper.

The idea appealed to me so much that I searched for it online. My research online revolved around brain, computers, the function of brain, brain as a microprocessor and new developments in areas of computing.

The function of the brain isn’t that simple as I thought initially. But being a going-to-be-engineer it is easy to model things as subsystems. Therefore I found out that brain is one central controlling authority that deals with individual subsystems to make things work for us. The brain is linked with our body through a stream of fibers bundled together to form a network of devices dependent on brain. The entity which lays the foundation of our brain is called a neuron. On average a human brain possesses around a 100 billion of them. Our brain is generally divided into four parts depending on the function and the portions of the cranium [The stuff that makes your head hard]. These parts are:

· Cerebrum – Voluntarily movement

· Limbic System – Survival instinct and emotions

· Brain Stem – Vital supporting mechanisms e.g. heart rate blood pressure etc.

· Cerebellum – Motoric movements

These parts are further divided into many different portions depending upon their function but that is an entire subject and cannot be discussed over here. These parts are interconnected to each other via connections of the order of 1000’s of trillions. However these connections vary from requirement and gender basis.

Ok now we know how our brain looks like let’s have a look at the numbers now. The technique which makes brain function faster than a computer in some applications is adaptive parallelism. The neurons in our brain join forces to complete the task earlier and faster than a normal computer. A brain fires approximately 10^3 neurons per second, which is quite less than the clock cycles of a CPU – normally 2 GHz – , but the fact that the number of neurons performing the task multiplies this number by many folds. For example if a neuron fires an 10^3 neurons per second, multiply this by 100 billion, also the neighboring neurons also fire at the same rate so we multiply another 1000,  the result comes out to be of the order of 100’s of millions of billions neurons. That’s what makes the brain so fast. However this number is only calculated by raw hypothesis so it may vary by magnitudes. The brain carries a lot of memory with it as contrast to my initial belief that we are short of memory; actually it does have a memory equal to 1000’s of normal hard drives of a normal computer.  The memory is also dependent on number of neurons therefore ours is only a rough estimate. All in all a brain uses its resources much more efficiently than a computer does.

Now we come to computer and see how similar is the architecture. A typical computer system consists of the following:

· CPU – Central Processing Memory

· RAM – Random Access Memory

· HDD – Hard Disk

· FSB – Front side Bus

Now the CPU is the brain of computer, the RAM is a faster memory while the Hard Disk is permanent. Front Side Bus is the backbone of computer. In computers the Memory is static, i.e. it can’t be expanded without physical modifications. CPU operates at GHz speeds while there are at most four CPU’s operating in parallel In home PC’s. Notice the architecture is very similar to our brain. The brain acts like a microprocessor, It has got everything embedded into it e.g. memory, ALU and CU. Therefore it is established that we can replace the Processor of a PC with a human brain. The story doesn’t end here, like every other idea conceived, there is work going on it some other part of the world. So I searched for the current trends in the field, here is what I found;

MonoLayer

Researchers from Japan and Michigan Technological University have come up with the circuit that mimics the behavior of neurons. This circuit consists of parallel layes of switches known as monolayers.  These switches can evolve like neurons and solve complex problems. It has been published in the paper “Massively parallel computing on an organic molecular layer”.  The circuit also has the ability of self-healing like the neurons. An MRI of the human brain in comparison with this circuit is shown which clearly shows how similar the patterns are.

Memristors

The concept of memristor had been around In late 80’s but nobody actually produced it till 2008. A memristor is a circuit element in which resistance is strictly dependent in current and voltage feedback. The memristor also is capable of creating complex structures to speed up processing power of a processor. This CE is also capable of maintaining states without consumption of power. It’s also seen in memristors that they seem to have more than two states therefore this can entirely revolutionize the process of computing, therefore a future computer may not require programming but paradoxically it programs itself. Recently HP which is one of the prominent organizations working in this area has reported that their Titanium based memristor is capable of handling logic, therefore it’s a microprocessor in itself – Remember how neurons also are microprocessors – .

Memristors are essentially the next big thing in the semiconductor hardware market. Their ability to self-program makes them a hot topic of research.

image Source: Wikipedia

NOMFETs

Nanoparticle Organic Memory Field Effect Transistors are organic devices and are essentially composed of molecules. These are based on organic semiconductor known as pentacene and gold Nano particles. The NOMFET mimics a human synapse. Synapse is the gateway through which a neuron communicates to its surroundings by sending electrical signals. NOMFETSs operate on the principle of firing an amplified spike if the time distance between two incoming pulses becomes shorter and vice versa, this is called plasticity. NOMFETs use plasticity, which in turn will be basis for faster image processing applications.

Brain Computer Interface

The first thing that comes in mind when you think of brain as a device which is based on charges, is can we externally interpret the charges using some device? In fact yes, Brain computer Interface deals with this subject. Scientists initially tried it on animals like rats and monkeys, and later they devised devices which could be implanted in humans. In experimentation on a monkey a test was conducted by reading the brain signals of the animal. At the back they had a robotic Arm which moved with the movement of monkey’s arm. The Monkey was given a computer mouse; it had to drag it to a target on a computer screen. When the animal did it successfully it was rewarded with a sweet. The animal quickly got the hang of it and started doing it again and again. This gave the scientist enough time to monitor the brain signals of the animal responsible for the action of his arm. Sometime later the scientist disconnected the mouse secretly and kept the exercise going. This time the cursor moved because of the brain signals only. Amazingly the monkey got the hang of it as well, after sometime the monkey was just sitting and moving the cursor with its brain, WITHOUT any arm movement.

BCI is also used in people with blindness, electrodes are inserted in their brains and they are connected to a camera and a device which converts the image into neural signals, result is that the patient can get a very vague idea of the surroundings around him.

Conclusion

It is evident from the above discussion that science is progressing along the lines of analogue computing. We still are waiting for a breakthrough from this industry but the revelations that have already been made, makes the idea look promising. A computer with human brain would require very sensitive instruments to monitor the most delicate and intricate part of our body. Or in search for it we might be able to replicate the human brain altogether, who knows.

So keeping all the above discussion in a nutshell don’t you see intelligent computers come into existence in next twenty years? It’s alright if you don’t; probably you are taking too many classes.

References:

· Researchers develop new brain-like molecular processor – http://www.zdnet.com/blog/emergingtech/researchers-develop-new-brain-like-molecular-processor/2213

· Massively parallel computing on an organic molecular layer

· Anirban Bandyopadhyay¹, Ranjit Pati², Satyajit Sahu¹, Ferdinand Peper³ & Daisuke Fujita

· The amazing memristor – beyond Moore’s law and beyond digital computing http://www.zdnet.com/blog/foremski/tha-amazing-memristor-beyond-moores-law-and-beyond-digital-computing/1309

· An organic transistor that mimics a brain synapse http://www.zdnet.com/blog/emergingtech/an-organic-transistor-that-mimics-a-brain-synapse/2095

· Energy Limits to the Computational Power of the Human Brain

http://www.merkle.com/brainLimits.html

· The Brain As An Information Processor http://www.racai.ro/~dragam/The_brain_as_an_information_processor.htm

· BBC Science and Nature http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/organs/brainmap/index.shtml

· Brain Structures & their functions http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/kinser/Structure1.html

· Wikipedia http://www.wikipedia.org

When Alteregos Talk

I took the pain of colour coding this post so you dont get lost. Do not under any circumstances point finger at the colour scheme.

This is a conversation between Mr. bizzyifti, Mr. sizzyifty, Mr. crzyifti & Mr. dizzyifti.

The Four men were walking on a road towards a common destination. One of them with straight face and rock hard face, the second one oblivious to the world and absorbed in his own self, the third one wearing Raybans and highly esteemed, the fourth one in loose clothes and with a few friends.

The first one is Antisocial, the second is shy, the third is friendly and the fourth is social machine.

crzyifti: Hello people where are you guys headed to?

dizzyifti: Hi , Over to that building but we can always goto Cafe and have some tea ?

bizzyifti: i was going to Lab first, and then obviously the class.

sizzyifti: [Doesnt reply at first]

crzyifti: [asks again to 2] Bhai aap say bhi pucha hai.

sizzyifti: Oh yeah i was going to class. Cant skip.

crzyifti: I have some business in the council to take care of as well, so Mr. dizzyifti You will have to go with us.After that we can spare some time for Cafe.

bizzyifti: and sizzyifti  Non Responsive keep walking.

crzyifti: Do you guys know about the girl on the first floor, look just about the besides the table?

dizzyifti: Oh yeah, she is XYZ, her number is 12345678, lives there, her Dad’s Name is blah blah and stuff.

sizzyifti: I dont know i dont know much about women. They think i am non existent.

bizzyifti: One thing i am sure about her, i.e. that she is scared of me. I dont know anything else.

crzyifti: to dizzyifti Boy oh boy what are you? A detective? How do you know this stuff ?

dizzyifti: I am well informed man, also i like meeting people. i even follow people home, i went in van once, she was a van mate as well.

crzyifti: Well i need her for my council, get me acquainted , will you ?

dizzyifti: Nods.

bizzyifti: Dont you guys think of anything else other than women, wasting time in cafe and stupid affairs? [pronounced Student affairs]

dizzyifti: I dont know but you are a lifeless person, Life is all about enjoying it and socialising.

crzyifti: I believe managing people and working with them will foster my managing skills also it will increase my popularity index in university, One has to be an icon before he leaves university.

dizzyifti to sizzyifti : Oh bhai, aap bh humaray sath chal rahay hain, kuch bol dein?

sizzyifti: I dont know . I think you should do what what you are supposed to do.

bizzyifti: Mr. dizzyifti Dont you say a word about me or i’ll have your head for that. You stupid son of a Bit.

crzyifti: Easy boy, its ok.

dizzyifti: Like i give a rats ass.

crzyifti: Calm down people, no fights.

sizzyifti: [is a starring at the sky]

All the four men are now on the walk through gate.

Guard: Card bahir nikalain aap sab log.

sizzyifti: [has already taken his card out] here this. [shows his card waits for other to go first]

dizzyifti: There you go old boy [shows his card puts i back in]

bizzyifti: [gives guard a dreary stare, barely gets his card out and closes the zipper again] Security Huh!

crzyifti: [gives the guard a look as he is a stock pile of hay, waves his card in the air as a display of sarcasm]
Now in the class:
sizzyifti Enters a class as a nobody and there is no one in class. crzyifti peeks in finds nobody gets out to meet people. dizzyifti Doens bother coming in till late. bizzyifti goes to lab.

Everybody greets and meets dizzyifti he is popular, crzyifti meets people with different stance, everyman a new face and a story.

bizzyifti arrives but is only met by few who know him really well.
After the class has settled.

sizzyifti finds a corner in the last row and sits there. crzyifti Takes a place in the third row behind women, dizzyifti sits adjacent to crzyifti with exception that his side of chairs occupies boys. bizzyifti takes second row and opens up his stuff.

bizzyifti is serious and wont talk [infact he is not but from the outside he looks like that].

sizzyifti diligently opens up his notebooks and stars putting dates and stuff.

crzyifti talks ahead and behind, fires two or four jokes at people and handles them well.

dizzyifti Is being a chatter box with a friend sitting adjacent to him, his one ear is towards what other class is talking about. often he gives in an anecdote to the ladies in front. Which apparently amuses them.

The class sits like this for 30 minutes. Later it is confirmed that the only two classes that were scheduled today have been cancelled. so now students are free to leave.

bizzyifti is aggravated or he looks so, infact someone out of the class tries an argument with him, and then he gets the reaction in form of loud words and some serious swearing.

sizzyifti is again not moved, gets out quietly and waits for the rest of the bunch.

crzyifti is delighted about the class, gives a suggestion to people about eating out.

dizzyifti turns hyper, he is out for anything. he chit chats to people, he turns into one roller coaster, moving from one group to other.

bizzyifti thinks of offering his car but then decides lets not get into playing the volunteer.

sizzyifti: doesnt know what is happening.

crzyifti: Plans with a few folks. its a deal.

crzyifti: “Ok everyone we are going to this and this, blah blah blah details “

dizzyifti: “Thumbs up! I will go with emilia”

sizzyifti: “Yeh program kab bana? aik minute let me confirm from a person, i had a previous commitment with “

bizzyifti: “I wont take more than 3 people with me, and they will pay for gas as well.”

crzyifti “Butts in motion, lets go!”

At the Supper:

dizzyifti: “Ok, here is the thing, wither we could go for a sheesha or we can settle for pizza, there is no third option”

crzyifti: “Sheesha boys raise hands”

sizzyifti: “I dont smoke, and i wont smoke”

bizzyifti: “Lets go anywhere but be quick”

dizzyifti: “We will have both since no one is in absolute majority, and we have a lot that doesnt or cant smoke so first we are heading to pizza hut”

At pizza hut:

bizzyifti [to the person sitting next] : “do you know about this new technology in which you can communicate to your PC using gestures ?”

The other person: “No, what is it?”

bizzyifti: “Its ok, nevermind.”

sizzyifti is sitting at the join of the two combined tables and has found something of interest in the join and he is starring at it.

crzyifti [is sitting with ladies doing sissy talk that makes them laugh and taking photos with his camera phone.] hey emily, ” what was that last comment about? ” emily : “I think it was clear that you were being a jerk” crzyifti “No seriously havent you women cant understand anything, all you love is twilight and quotes where you can fit yourself in”.. {crzyifti Cell phone rings} emily: “No who is it?” crzyifti “Bus hai koi, tumhain nai pata” , [women giggle out of no reason,]

dizzyifti is busy planning “Ok, guys here is what we do, we go for deal number 4, that saves us money so we can dump half of these guys and later in the evening go to sheesha? Deal” Everyboy high fives.

Miraculously sizzyifti finds somebody to talk to. its Mr. Z

Z: “Why is that you remain silent all the time?”

sizzyifti: “I dont know, i dont have much to share”

Z: “There must be something, dont you play any games or stuff?”

sizzyifti: “i usually write a lot, do not interfere in people business, try to make up with everybody , go with the flow of water, make peace.”

Z: “That is a lot of information, acha have you seen bizzyifti He never smiles.”

sizzyifti: “Yes and he looks angry all the time”

Z: “He is one serious person. Dont know whats up with him, quite your opposite”

sizzyifti: “There might be nothing wrong with him, probably his face is like that. but one thing is for sure, he doesnt tolerate nonsense.”

Conversation continues….

bizzyifti on the other hand is making plans in his head “i have to see blah blah, go shopping in the evening, Dad has also made a commitment. and yeah, all of them must be wondering that i am angry, stupid little dumb heads. I wish they could know the reason i dont smile is that there is nothing to do so, and scarcity of something makes it precious, abundance on the other hand makes things lose value, my smile is valuable. I dont know when they will grow up? Khair lets not think about that there are other things to keep my head busy…”

crzyifti to dizzyifti “Whats the plan? I mean the other plan?”

dizzyifti: ” smokes are up, dont know about the exact number but we will shed some people off.”

crzyifti: “Good i’m in. Probably wont smoke but will join you for a cup of coffee.”

dizzyifti: “Deal.”

After supper the ladies disappear into thin air, while some boys as well head home. The rest of the bunch which includes our four people head to a cafe.

sizzyifti: “I will have Juice”.
dizzyifti: “Sheesha all the way”
crzyifti: “Coffee, expresso one shot and a chocolate brownie.”
bizzyifti: “Anything cold.”

The rest of the bunch joins the suite and orders drinks and smokes.

dizzyifti: “Hey folks, we peechay check ker jo banda betha hai bandee kay sath, rings check ker. And the bandi is also high.”

crzyifti: “achay hain”

sizzyifti: Doesnt look in that direction.

bizzyifti: “Why dont you mind your own f’n business? “

Z. “Han lets all stare at them.”

Y. “Thats cheap man. But still i will do it. “

Smokes arrive along with the coffee and drinks. sizzyifti doesnt talk for the rest of the evening . bizzyifti is oblivious of the what is a happening. crzyifti Gets his one shot plus a brownie “That brownie was stale, The coffee however was good. Can i get a puff of sheesha? infact idhar day mujhay, bohat pee liya tum nay.”

dizzyifti: “Guys i have had to much of this stuff, dont know how i am gonna drive, somebody will go with me”.

Atlast they all get out of the cafe to head homes. Our four guys decide to go on one car. crzyifti is driving.

All of them go to same home but only one man gets out of the car but the man who gets out is totally different from the guys who joined in, rather more powerfull and composed.Name: Whizzyifti, Gets to his home turns on his laptop and starts typing on his blog. Title : “When Alteregos Talk”.

I will have an explanation of this ready after i get feedback.

OOP C [read: Oopsee]

Since everyone opened their eyes in an engineering university they have been told that the main purpose of developing C++ was that the plain old ANSI C was not object oriented. It is infact true. But like everything else in the world programmers  developed new language for new features and later developed plugins and hacks to implement the same functionality on the older language. Now you must be thinking i am insane and i am going to talk about object oriented ANSI-C. The fact is yes, there are ways to do so. The hacks are painful enough that a beginner to medium level programmer cant understand them at all or if he does he considers the idea to be very outrageous.

I dont know for sure but the idea is not very new to Linux coders since Most of the Linux core is in C, the purest form.

The question is how to get the same functionality of a class? A much better question would be how to hide information from the actual code ? The answer to that is a void pointer and function pointers in encapsulated in structures. A void pointer doesn’t let you dereference itself if you dont know the actual type. So the trick is to create wrappers of functions using void pointers to function implementations. Hence we can safely assume that you can always derive your own classes from the base class.

e.g.

struct {

int blah;

void *(*functions)(blah, blah);

struct custom * parameters;

}

Now you can define your own functions in a separate struct. and your parameters either in the same struct or derived in the custom struct. The only way of accessing the members remain through functions as you have to know the exact cast.

A sample code that i wrote for linked list is given below.

#include<stdio.h>
#include<stdlib.h>

// Data structure API
// Generic API for Linked List and Doubly Linked list
// Linked list Implementation

//Abstract interface for Linked List and doubly Linked List
struct body{

struct functions* mainFuncs;
void* head;
void* tail;
};

//Abstract functions
struct functions{
void* (*addN)(struct body*, int val);
void* (*subtractN) (struct body*, int index);
void* (*printN) (struct body*);
};

// Linked list Node
struct LL{
int value;
struct LL* next;
};

// Add node
void LL_addN(struct body* object, int val){

struct LL * node = malloc(sizeof(struct LL*));
struct LL * pointer = (struct LL *)object->head;
if(pointer != NULL){
node->value=val;
node->next=pointer;
object->head= node;
}
else
{
node->value=val;
node->next=NULL;
object->head= node;
object->tail= node;
}
}

//Print List
void _printN(struct body* object){
struct LL* pointer = (struct LL*)object->head;
while(pointer !=NULL){
printf("%d ", pointer->value);
pointer = pointer->next;
}
};

//Delete Node
void LL_subtractN (struct body* object, int index){
struct LL* pointer = (struct LL*)object->head;
struct LL* pointer2= (struct LL*)malloc(sizeof(struct node*));
int i=1;
while(i<index-1 && pointer !=NULL){
pointer = pointer->next;
printf("%d",i);
i++;
} //while
if(pointer){
pointer2= pointer->next;
if(pointer2->next !=NULL)    { pointer->next= pointer2->next;}
else     {pointer->next=NULL; object->tail=pointer;}
free(pointer2);
} //if

}

// Link list function tables
struct LLFuncs{
void* (*addN)(struct body*, int val);
void* (*subtractN) (struct body*, int index);
void* (*printN) (struct body*);
}llfunt={LL_addN,LL_subtractN,_printN};

// Initialization
void GenInit(struct body** object){
*object = malloc(sizeof(struct body*));

}

void GenInit(struct body** object){
*object = malloc(sizeof(struct body*));
*object->mainFuncs = (struct functions*)&llfunt;
*object->head= NULL;
*object->tail= NULL;
}*/

//Object Init
void plug (struct body * object){
object->mainFuncs = (struct functions*)&llfunt;
object->head= NULL;
object->tail= NULL;
}

int main(){
struct body* LL1 ;
GenInit(&LL1);
plug(LL1);
LL_addN(LL1,4);
LL_addN(LL1,5);
LL_addN(LL1,6);
LL_addN(LL1,7);
LL_addN(LL1,8);
LL_addN(LL1,9);
_printN(LL1);
LL_subtractN(LL1,3);
printf("\n");
_printN(LL1);

}

Driving Redefined [formerly Golden Rules of Driving]

Driving, an activity I enjoy a lot. I have been driving on roads since I for about five or six years now. I don’t remember stepping onto the drivers seat but its prehistoric and really not of any importance. In these years I have seen different traffic and my driving appetite and style has changed drastically. Lets not go into my driving experience since this post is not about me.

Before I begin to share with you my golden rules of driving, please be advised that whenever you drive stay away from three things, children, Elderly drivers, and women drivers. The reason for the first two are obvious, children are juvenile and Old fellows cannot react quickly. There is no apparent reason for keeping at a distance from women drivers because they generally tend to get you into trouble. Also a woman is a car’s enemy. Keep them away from drivers seat. – atleast of your car.

What is it to Drive: To drive confidently on the road you have to believe that if the car is an extension to your limbs. Its something that you do like breathing. Learn to drive with closed eyes. Feel the sound of your engine. Imagine and explore every groove and curve of your vehicle. Drive your vehicle as if you are part of a larger system. This will indeed increase your rhythm in on the driving seat. The more you do it the better it gets.

Man and his vehicle: A car is a delicate thing, it has feelings, ramming the accelerator on the floor wont make it bounce off but is most probably going to break your accelerator wire. Similarly smashing the gears also wont make your vehicle perform any better. Handle your car softly . The more exquisite you will get, the better will your vehicle respond. – thrusting hard doesn’t always work, be a gentleman with your vehicle.

Preliminaries: If you want to make your vehicle perform better, you have to get her ready before you sit behind the steering. Check the tire pressure, if it is not up to the mark, get them inflated as partially inflated tires do not give the proper experience and also are heavy on the engine. Check all the gauges specially the oil. Keep a record of the mileage since last oil change and get it changed after 3000Km. Warming up the engine is a fundamental part of the process, it brings every nut and bolt of your vehicle to life. On petrol engines The ideal time to putting your car into gear is when the exhaust starts getting wet.

Style: Never give up style while driving. Make your movements with precision and fluency. There are traditional styles of doing it, but uniqueness is always welcomed and appreciated.

Driving: When it comes to driving drive as if it is your daddy’s road. You pay all the taxes and the authorities don’t even bother to put cat eyes on the road let alone street lights.

Overtaking: Overtaking is your birthright. The law states that you can only do so from the right but since those laws don’t work here in our country so doing so from left is acceptable as well. In fact, more than 70 percent of overtakes from the left are successful. Be careful while doing it from a different position [from the left] as there are cars parked on the left and you can directly see them since normally cars are right hand drives. A tip for overtaking is you move so close to the car infront of you that you can feel its exhaust, give the dipper continuously, the driver in front of you will be scared shit-less once he sees a monster so close in his rear view mirror and suddenly will break left or right.

Turns are ideal for overtaking, if they are not blind turns. Blind turns are fun but are far too risky and need a lot of experience to practice and perfect. Normally people tend to drive into the turn so they leave a lot of space on their right, making it easy for you to get ahead.

Speed: Your car has atleast got a speed limit of 160 Km/h. So it is perfectly acceptable to drive as fast as you can. It is foolish to spend half a million rupees and still driving at a bicycle pace. The more speed you give in the more pleasure you get while driving.

Horn: Use horn only when necessary. Full beams are your signal of challenge to the other driver, if he doesn’t respond to that, honk the horn, if you think he is not responding again, go left.

Breaks: Push the breaks gently, the smoothness in your breaking determines your control on the vehicle. Break slowly, abrupt breaking kills your style and is rough of your vehicle. Also it wears out your tires and breaks. The shafts and chambers get the load of abrupt breaking.

Stunts: Its ok to go wild with your vehicle sometimes, push it to limits of torque, thrust and top speed. Frequent stunt driving results in your vehicle reduced to a wreck. Its good to try different things on your vehicle but do not do so at the cost of your vehicle. As I said be a gentleman with your vehicle.

Traffic Signals: Signals are meant to be stopped at. Try your best to get a green light, it is ok to accelerate while trying to catch a green light. If you are unfortunate and miss it, try to get nearest to the signal. If it is a turn take the opposite lane, and overtake your way in when the signal turns green. Your very object should be to get ahead of everybody.

Parking: Park your vehicle with utmost sophistication. Learn different styles of parking i.e. side parking, reverse parking, parallel parking etc. Remember people are watching when you park your car, be at your best.

Changing Gears: Change gears like it is an extension of your arm, you don’t want to jerk your arm and but a sprain on it, likewise you don’t want to wreck your gearbox. Use gentle force to push it to and fro.

Speeding:

I recommend not to over speed too often. It will become an addiction and it would be difficult for you to keep you foot off the accelerator. None the less speeding is fun, but the dynamics of driving totally change, you have now to look 4 cars ahead of you and atleast 2 in the rear view mirror. Obviously when you over speed braking is not an option, so overtake from wherever you can. to maintain speed on turns, you have to get farthest away from the turn, and at the turn crash into it a little and get out at once. This way you will be able to cut the curvature of the turn therefore maintaining much of the speed. Bumper to Bumper driving is advisable here because there is no other way you will get space between the traffic.

In the end the more confidence you show to your vehicle and other drivers the more command you have on the road. Cars like commanding partners [drivers]. Other cars on the road will always impede your driving, very few people will actually go with your rhythm but it is your job to navigate yourself through these obstacles. Take care of your car, don’t let the paint peel off an keep your car clean.

In the end always wear protection [seatbelt] and drive safe.

No Random Thoughts…… !