Pack your Bags!

30/10/2009, Friday, Sitting by the Cushions on the eiderdown laid on the floor, my room. While the rest of the class is busy in the complexities of Mr. Huffman, i sit here listening to my chemical romance. It is cold, but comfortable in my square room. Night time is Supreme to work, but since i have nothing to do i decided to do one of my all time favourite activity, wasting time. Actually miraculously i have done this assignment, or at-least my portion of it, and since the week has started today, thanks to Taliban for that, there is nothing much to do. Today’s day brought with it the usual package with itself, same university routine and the dynamics related to it. Same faces, some in romantic mood while others quite the opposite. The general trend is happy and satisfied. As most of the hostelites have returned from their homes do they are looking fresh, it is one of those days when they look fresh, rest of the year their appearance is…. well… shabby will be the appropriate word. For me it was one normal day, with an added delicacy of a a trifle brought by a friend. Last night i saw it in a dream that i was giving a quiz, and today that quiz actually substantiated. whew too much for a coincidence. Apart from that again the university administration set me off by not allowing assignment prints, butt heads ;  and the second thing being the same alienating attitude of classmates. So much for ruining a day.That was it for the university.

Back home i got a news of my Dad willing to set me somewhere abroad , so it was a nice pack your bag sign for me. Normally such decisions take days and months to execute, but still there is a ray of hope running away from all this fuss. though the outside world is not that welcoming but still a change may bring peace to mind, secondly being lonely far from home is better than being lonely in your own people. Eats you up. too much for day dreaming.

After friday, tomorrow is wedneday, strange! saturdays are usually off but tomorrow is on at the NUST mansion and wednesdays schedule will be followed. I cant explain how much pissed off i am right now, and considering that this blog entry is quite optimistic. Lets see what tomorrow brings with it. i’m out!

cheers!

Iron is Hard to Break

Hope this finds you in spirits and health better than mine. i am sure you will be surprised by this strange subject of the  post but in reality it is like this. Right from the day one in the university i had imposed upon me an ice cold look, so serious that sometimes i met the most strange incidents which i had not imagined in my wildest dreams. People had started asking why was i so serious, and majority wont just talk. This was very surprising for me because i was just trying to look composed and mature. in reality the impression i had on my classmates was i was a really angry and selfish person and if anyone tried to disturb my space or interrupt me with their talking they are going to face the music. So consequently three semesters passed by and i was left alone without considerable numbers friends. in the fourth one i became a little unstable because of this, loneliness was eating me up from inside and i had started avoiding everybody. Didn’t talk to people much, and tried to maintain my own company of myself. i eavesdropped frequently to find  out what was happening around or in other cases i used to receive indirect messages from third person that mr/miss so and so wants this from you and whatever their problems were. this irritated me worse than any other thing .Result, Huge amount of pressure for everything, feeling of being left alone and  hallucinations, hence i was going to go crazy. That was also the main reason i fell sick with immense headache when all of you went to multan, the developed pressure throughout these years was becoming insurmountable that was the main reason for the doctor to ask me repeatedly about stress. So one day my friend [some of my only ones] advised me to always smile. This will help you regain the confidence of people in you, hence just for a try i started smiling all the times, and this changed a lot. My tense correspondences relaxed, and people opened up to me a little. i loved the change. and i followed it. Although i am much better now, but the impression made by hot steel takes not just a day to remove, i still dont have close friends but people atleast are less afraid to talk to me. To me the most Stupid thing in the world was the concept that do not talk to iftikhar, he is always angry and the thing which irritated me the most was knowing something related to me from other sources. i tried to fight it and i feel better.
That was one of my very personal stories.